A pile of sticks

So a lot of things I discovered about myself. Some that I was suspicious about and others that I wish I never discovered

First thing is first. I have tried multiple times to go out with a girl. One they don't work out. Two they don't work out cuz I just don't be feeling the same. I really don't feel like that little butterfly feeling when I am around them. They don't brighten my day when I see them. So I think that I am most likely gay.

My family is probably gonna flip when they see this but IDC. We love who we love. And right now I love a man. I will not hide who I am any longer. Just because my family doesn't like or approve of gay men like that.

Another thing that I discovered is that actually that is the only thing I discovered today.

I am gay and proud. Do I wish to have kids in the future yes but doesn't mean that can't still happen. Am I afraid of what can come out of this no. I can handle my shit. Who ever got something to say pop. I feel like I am 100% me now. Now the word Faggot is going to make me even more mad. I am comfortable with myself now and the way I act.

My life made a 180 for the better and this was the last step to me being happy. literally lmaooo.

5/5/11 I love you Tababwaba.... and NO I am not gonna give his name out.

Pretty Happy in "like" With You

Let me tell you everything so different since my last post. I am so happy. For multiple reason. My love life hasn't been all the great in the past but now it couldn't be better. 5/5/11 AND 6/6/11 are the best days. I won't say who the lucky ones are. All I am saying is I couldn't be happier. Besides my love life everything is perfectly fine. I am graduating high school in 2 weeks. :) I graduated Boces today. :) I couldn't be happier. My life has made a 180. Even though I love drama and it is very fun to deal with I haven't had much lately. Which is good because I am only trying to focus on the positive now. Like a wise women said
"The world will give you back what you put in it, If you put positive things into the world then that is what you will get back."

Sometimes I have a struggle with my sexuality but it's different then usual. I know I like boys but I'm confused about girls. Weird. Right now im dating a very pretty amazing girl (6/6/11). I care for her a lot. And I am going to take things slow with her because I want things to be perfect.

I am also day this really sweet boy (5/5/11) so I have been with him for a little over a month. Things got rocky, but even when they were he showed that he cared and that he wanted to be with me.

I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings but I also have to be honest to myself. I don't consider this cheating because it is two different genders. But if one of them considers it cheating than I don't know what to do.

I am not stressing about it but it is on the back on my mind that most likely one day I will have to make a decision of who I want to be with. At the end of the day I am going to choose the one who treats me best and I have the deepest connection with.

A year ago I was mad that I had nobody in my life. And now I have 2. lol. Even though this is on the internet my mom doesn't know about either relationship and I would like to keep that way until I feel it is the right time to do it. Which is I have no idea when.

When the Elbow Hits the Fan?

I will never in my life forget any of this. Too be completely honest I do feel like I was played. For the last couple of days I have been feeling on top of the world. Now that I am in a relationship I thought things would be so good. But I was wrong. No matter how positive I maintain myself things will always be perceived as negative.

I have been acting very optimistic lately and been smiling about things a lot more. I have been having a lot of fun at my tutor although the work could be very stressful. I've tried to maintain neutral in a lot of the arguments in the house but this one I had to say something. As I proceeded to walk up the stairs my younger eleven year old brother elbowed me on the side of stomach. I knew that if I hit him back it would cause some trouble. So I just told him to watch out. Since he ignored I decided to repeat it again my mother was present this time. Unfortunately even though I was the one hit I wasn't the one she defended. I don't need anybody to fight my battles. But what is right is right and what she and he did was wrong.

One thing I hate the most is being targeted and in almost every argument I am gained up on. I can handle my own just not in the best way. I do have the tendency to yell when I am feeling attack. I found it wrong that me being hit was not even considered. What gets me very mad is that if I hit someone or do something everything gets thrown in my face and a huge problem happens.

Low blows were thrown everywhere. My mom brought up the fact that I was kicked out of school, and that I was finishing school in a tutoring center. I don't like that when I am trying to prove a point of what happen was wrong someone wants to throw a cheap jab and think nothing will come back at them. I did generalize my family in saying that "this family is full of 2 faced people and hypocrites" even though I do believe that there are a set few that aren't.

Since my father was brought up in all this nonsense and she was trying to degrade him I took it upon myself to throw a cheap jab not only to her by also to my eleven year old brother who started it all by bringing up his dead beat dad. I am not afraid of throwing somebody under the bus if they do it to me. My mom likes to put out there that my father did all these horrible things that I won't mention because I love him but yet wants to forgive others that have done it to her as well. Which is why I kept calling her a hypocrite. Apparently she didn't like that to much.

The argument then leaded to me saying that I want to finish school to leave and never even mention this family again. The reply that I get to that is that the doors are open and that I can leave when I choose too. So I left to try and steam off. Although when I was leaving she was like come back here and your not going anywhere. FOR REAL MAKE UP YOUR MIND. The argument continued. I seriously think she kept me just to fight lol. But she took it to a place where she shouldn't have and hit me. I don't like when people put their hands on me. Since she is my mother and a FEMALE I couldn't do anything but attack the things around me.

I repeatedly told her that I don't care about her opinion or anybody else opinion of how I am, who I am, and much less the way I conduct myself. I went into my room and started knocking things over and broke my fan. Now that was stupid of me lol. She called my father thinking I was going to back down from her and thinking I wasn't going to say what I have to say.

I said with my father on the phone that she has lost respect from me. The way that I am treated is not the way others are treated. So much for "I love all three of you the same". I did eventually calm down talking to my father but doesn't mean I forgive her for what she did. It's hard to hear a mother say that she doesn't want you around and she wants to send you away. I am a strong believer of if you say it you mean it. Don't apologize for it later. I can never trust her again and unfortunately once I leave this house yes I will appreciate what shes done for me. Put food on the table and a roof over my head. But I will not mention my family. Well some of them I will.

I have been put through to much mental abuse to think about them my whole life.

Btw! family members that read this. ITS MY BLOG AND I WILL SAY WHATEVER I WANT TO SAY ON IT. If you don't like it don't read.

Until next time. The Life Of The Ken Doll isn't so glamorous and perfect at all!

Graduation and Fashion?

Yes this is a second blog post on the same day.

Well what can I say, a day without school should go smoothly. WRONG!!! Even though I didn't get any sleep, my mood has been pretty good. I am so done with Fashion Class though. I am at my tutor came early to get work done. My Fashion Class has been stressing me out to the max! It is the most complicated thing that I have ever been put into. Not only is the teacher now making excuses of why she might not give me a grade, but shes also being a bitch. Now I know language like that shouldn't be used, but its the truth. For some reason the strange thought of "they might be doing this on purpose" comes through my mind every time something happens.

I have come to the conclusion that I am not liked at all by the head ones in charge in my house at the high school. What they don't know is that they shouldn't play so many games. I have told my principle time and time again, "next time I see you have security because I am going after you." Is it a threat yes. I really don't care how anybody takes it. My future is in jepordy because of a miserable teacher.

I couldn't agree more that my time in Schenectady High School helped me discover who I am, a badass bitch. I really don't wish to graduate high school with this ill feeling towards them. I get more and more anxious for June 23 to come, but not for the right reason. One thing I don't want to happen is that I get made a fool in front of people at graduation and in front of my family. Unfortunetly things happen for a reason and something good must be coming my way.

It's hard to say if I will graduate this year or next year. All I can say is that these idiots are not going to be happy if they see me again next year. They will have the surprise of a lifetime. I miss all my friends and really do miss high school. It is said that high school is the best four years of a persons life, unless you think its college. I have missed the last couple months of high school, but I am definitely still winner in this game of high school.

Char Lovers and BGC6 renuion part 1

The BGC6 reunion was a very decent one for a season that a lot of viewers didn't like. This reunion special started off a bit different than the other ones. It started off with Perez Hilton going back stage. But lets cut to what is important that actual reunion. Was it a coincidence that the two new found friends sat next to each other and everybody that hated Char sat in one couch? I think NOT! One thing is for sure Char came back with a set of balls. Char tried to defend herself saying that the girls should have notice her fake like tendencies in the house. I honestly think that is a cop out. She tried to go hard by saying the girls did nothing in the house so why yall mad. Bitch you didn't do shit either. But in Chars defense. Wait I have no defense for her.

I liked that now that Kori and Jessica both saw how fake Char was they confronted her and weren't scared to show the world that they do have a mind of their own. I personally think that NOBODY ran that house. Char was controlling the girls they were her friends. There is a difference. She never gave them orders or bossed them around. And Nikki did her own thing so she didn't run the house either. I think Chars main purpose was to run a house thinking that was the point of the show. To clue you in C.e.b its not.

One by one the replacements came in and we started off with Wilmarie. Who claimed that she was going to hit Nikki next time she saw her. I didn't see any hitting.



Even though Perez said that she won most of the fights I still do believe that Wilma is weak. She knows that Nikki will hit back on the reunion because there is no risk of going home. But they quickly ended her shit and brought out loud mouth Jennifer.



I chose an ugly picture of her on purpose. I obviously don't like her. What I most liked was when Perez gave her some weak sauce. She tried to act like it didn't bother her but it definitely did. Jennifer, who I believe was the weakest one in the house, began to immediately attack Nikki. Even though Wilma was the one who really wanted Jen out the house. Oh wait I forgot She accidentally bumped into Wilma and they cleared the air. I honestly believe Jen just wanted some back up at the reunion. Nikki didn't back down anyways.

Perez brought out the prettiest girl of the season out. Ashley.




Clearly when Ashley came out you could tell this girl is not happy. She admitted that she was disappointed at Char and Kori the most out of all the girls. One thing I didn't understand is when did Ashley become one of Chars so called minions. But Char tried to act like a big girl and stand up for an argument or even a discussion she wasn't even in. Perez would ask her why she thought Kori didn't like her and there will be Char speaking. Char just tries to be another Natalie and Tanisha but falls short by a lot.

Perez proceeded to show the clip of Ashley and Kori fighting. Where I do Believe Kori won, but if Kori and Ashley were alone fighting I think Ashley would've won. Char kept making comments and Ashley would shut her down. As my fellow favorite girl of BGC6 would say "Nothing to say bro". That was the end of the Ashley basically nothing else important happen with her on the reunion.

Next came out my sexy siren Sydney... S.S.S???




Even though Sydney only came out for a little bit on the first part of the reunion. She manage to get a lot in. Char is clearly intimidated by her. She couldn't even say what she said behind Sydney's back if it wasn't for the other girls mentioning it. Crack head tendencies. Sydney looks good as hell. Don't see any crack anywhere. I love Chars reaction to the response Sydney gave to Perez's question. Her face looked ugly as hell.

It has been a while!

It has been a while since I last updated my blog. And a lot of people were bothered by my last post saying that it was a very angry one. People have to understand that my life does have it's ups and downs. Sometimes I can be a very happy person full of laughter and jokes and other times I can be a total hard ass and cause a lot of drama. Either way people will have to learn to accept and deal with it because I'm just not changing.

My life gave a dramatic turn when I was kicked out of school for fighting. To be honest at first I was very angry because it was my senior and I was ready to leave with my friends. I have been going to tutoring for the past couple months and I've had a great time. My classmate/buddy is only in sixth grade but has taught me a lot of things. Believe it or not. I have maintained my head held high and not regretting what I did. I do say that I miss my friends dearly and wish I could see them everyday like I used too. I can't complain though because I get to sleep in late go to sleep late and I basically only have two hours of school.

Even though I am away from the high school my name tends to never leave the drama. Even though I don't go looking for trouble when trouble finds me I do handle it. I do have still some animosity towards someone that I fought back in freshman year, and anything that happens triggers that emotion. I haven't seen this character that has talked a lot of harsh words behind my back, but I plan to confront him pretty soon. I am not a person to mention names unless I know that what I said will go back to him.

My main goal is to finish high school and graduate. From the looks of what is playing out it seems that my high school doesn't want to let me go. Or it is just making my life miserable. I have done all my work that was sent to my tutor and all my work that my tutor has given me and yet certain classes just do not want to give me a passing grade. My music class which I did one assignment for since I have been gone gave me a "C" but my Physical Education class and my Fashion class no matter how much work I do just do not give me the correct grade. My mind does wander and think that these people are doing it on purpose. Even though I clearly stated that if I ever saw my principle again he would need armed guards to protect him. So to me it would be a silly mistake.

After I am done with high school, I do want to get a job. I used to think that I wanted to be in the fashion industry but after all the studying I don't want to go the route. I have been getting offers at my moms job (she works at a pre-k school) to become a substitute when I'm eighteen. It seems like a lot of fun. I have volunteered there a couple of times and I have liked working with the kids a lot. I have also considered going on The Real World. Yes that reality t.v show that has been on for many years. I don't think anybody watches it but hey you only live once. Since there will probably never be a Bad Boys Club, I guess the Real World is the closest thing. I do hope I get on the show because it would be an opportunity of a life time to be on t.v. Besides who wouldn't want to see their-selves on television from time to time.

I promise to keep updating this blog as regularly as possible. Now that I have internet service and it is here to say.

xoxoxoxo
your bad boy bro ken

My suspension week and the bad girls club

Friday 2/4/11 I was suspended for an incident that happen the day before with my participation in government teacher. The whole incident began over an assign seat and a tissue. My teacher was trying to get us to listen to her while she was talking about crack cocaine and about weed. Personally since drugs aren't a part of my life I don't feel the need to listen or learn about it. The whole class was kind of listening but at the same time we were talking to each other. My teacher Mrs.Newton decided to do a seating chart. She was treating us like we were in elementary school and we were all upset about it. I was the first one to get my assign seat. I was happy with the seat she gave me since it was the first row all the way in the corner. So being a true bad boy that I am I took my sweet time to get ready and go to my seat. Mrs.Newton said a couple of times for me to hurry up but I didn't like that she was screaming at me and wasn't saying anything to the rest of the class. When I finally decided to go to my seat I quickly decided to go get a napkin. I stayed by that area because it was the only place that had a mirror. When I was heading back to my seat with my napkin my teacher began to scream at me again. I ignored her and began to just talk to people around me. I then got up to throw my napkin away because I wasn't going to hold it in my hand all class. And that's where everything went downhill. Mrs.Newton started to scream at me again but the difference was that this time she was all up on my face and I don't like that. I kept repeating to get out of my face and she didn't which made me yell it at her. Since she wasn't getting a word in she pushes me out of anger. At that point I was livid and was not happy that I was disrespected in that manner. She then headed to the phone in the classroom to call for a hall monitor. I followed her to the phone screaming at her "how dare you put your hands on me" and then I hung up the phone. She throws the phone down that it ends up hitting me in my knee. She proceeded to the the door to see if she could get a hall monitor. But when she opens the door she looks back and purposely hits me the edge of the door. I grab the door and slam it and tell her "this time your kicked out the classroom bitch" I also kept repeated "I'm top dog you do what I say bitch, Nobody disrespects me that way and get away with it, I'm taking your job bitch". My friends quickly tried to calm me down but it wasn't working. I was then pushed into a corner to try and clam me down and keep me away from her. But I knew that I wasn't going to be okay if I didn't hit something. I turned around and I began to punch the wall a few times leaving dents. I know now that if I kept punch I would have made a whole on the wall. I turned and started punching the filing cabinet that was next to me. I also kick the cart that was near me a couple times. I couldn't control my anger. What kept me angry was that I saw her standing by her desk with a smirk on her face. I was finally able to calm down and was escorted to the office. Where I had to write a report and say my version of the story. The next day being Friday I was told to go to the office after I come from my votec class. There I was told that I was suspended for 5 days and that the consequence that Mrs.Newton was going to have was a simple conversation. That completely pissed me off and the fact that lies were told about me saying that I hit her and I was jumping on desk. I walked out the office slamming the door heading to my locker to put my things away. I then run around the school looking for her to tell her that she wasn't going to get away with any of this and that she messed with the wrong kid. I had about 4 hall monitors on my tail and a very close friend. When I saw that I couldn't find her I stopped and they finally tried to calm me down again. After I punched walls, punched lockers, and kicked doors. I head home and my suspension began. Now it has only been day two but it feels like I live in the bad girls house. It is very annoying to be stuck in a house doing nothing while this teacher is chilling in her class probably with that same smirk. I have been watching the bad girls club none stop to get ideas on how I can get back at her without physically touching her. But if this is what awaits me when I move into the Bad Boys Club House then it is going to be a crazy ride. I am highly upset still about the whole situation and I am still awaiting on when my hearing/meeting will be. I haven't gotten the letter in the mail or a phone call. But I have a feeling something is going to go down. This is crazy for me but I can handle anything that is thrown my way like a true Bad Boy that I am. I always get my way. I am truly not scared of what they will do. They should be scared of what I'm going to do because I am going to get some pay back... Karma is BITCH but sure am I... hahahaha!